I’ve not written about the Coronavirus yet. I, like so many of you, have been trying “to figure it everything out” and to keep up with the daily changes in information that we’re receiving.
I’m coining a new term for what I and many of my clients and friends are experiencing: Coronavirus Fatigue. Symptoms include a general feeling of numbness, or being overwhelmed and/or anxious, sleeping more than usual or not sleeping well at all, anger, fear, sadness and depression. I also see a general malaise – an uneasiness – of body and mind, and thoughts of “this is never going to end”. Some of you add grief to this because of death or illness from COVID 19 of someone you know. My heart goes out to you as your emotions are greatly intensified by grief.
As I talk to clients, family and friends, I am seeing this fatigue play out. Most people are complying with the quarantines, social distancing and limiting times in public, wearing masks, hand washing, and sanitizing everything, but underlying this is a tiredness, and a fear that life will never be normal again.
I understand all these feelings because I am feeling them too. If the predictions of those more in the know are correct, we have several more weeks of this at the very best. We all want our lives to be normal again, and for some of us, we’re not sure anymore what normal even looks like.
So what do we do when this fatigue sets in? Here are some suggestions.
1. Normalize Your Feelings: This fatigue and what you are experiencing is to be expected. All of our lives have been upended and unlike other natural disasters or tragedies that impact a state or community, the Coronavirus has impacted every person in the US and in the world. Yes, we can turn off the tv and stay off social media, but we can’t escape the impact of this virus. This inability to escape brings all our emotions to the surface and what you are feeling is what most everyone else is feeling too.
2. Your Feelings Intensify Other Life Situations You Are Experiencing: Illness, home improvements, family conflict, job issues, a pregnancy, etc., are all stressful. Now add to this the effects of the quarantine – a spouse, or both spouses, working from home, kids needing to be homeschooled and parents often feeling inadequate while doing so, isolation and loneliness, not being able to get needed supplies, etc., – and the stress levels increase immensely. I hear comments like life feels oppressive and little things are setting me off and causing me to be angry at everyone, especially my spouse and kids. It is imperative to recognize how this virus is affecting us individually and how stressors of the past are now amplified by the stressors of this virus, and to take steps to release this stress.
3. Nix the I Should-Be-Doing and the I-am-Supposed-to-be-Doing Statements: I am hearing a lot of sentences beginning with “I should be doing” and “I am supposed to be doing” followed by sighs of defeat as the “shoulds” and “supposed tos” are not being done or are becoming overwhelming. We have to determine if we are adding additional obligations to our lives at this time when outside situations we can’t control are deeply affecting us (only to feel guilty when these obligations are not done), or are we doing things that fill us spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally and which will bring us a sense of joy, comfort or peace? Ask yourself, what do I have control over? Right now we don’t have a lot of control over what is happening outside the doors of our homes, but we do have control over what is happening inside our homes.
4. Reassess What Needs to be Done: I am constantly advising clients, especially those with children at home who need help with homeschooling and who are also trying to work their own jobs, to reassess what is important to be done and what can be let go for the time being. For those who have a hard time prioritizing the “to-be-dones”, I ask them to write a list of things that have to be done (like feeding the kids). Often I find the “have tos” are really not necessary. I ask clients, “so tell my why you think you need to be doing this” and I will often hear a hesitation or a “well, so and so is doing this” or “I feel guilty because I have this ‘extra’ time.” (These are those should and supposed to statements rearing their ugly heads again.) I advise these clients to stop comparing themselves to other people and to remember, it’s easy to lie on social media and over text. It’s okay to give yourself permission to just do the basic things right now. This is you taking control, which leads me to my next point.
5. You Have More Control than You Think: It’s true that most of us can’t leave our homes except for groceries or medical appointments and when we do, we do so with limitations. These mandated quarantines can be oppressive in that sense. But that doesn’t mean we don’t have any control over our lives. We can decide how we want to live during this time of uncertainty. We can choose how much we immerse ourselves into the coronavirus story or politics of the day, especially if those stories bring us down. We can choose to reach out to other people so we don’t lose that daily connection while homebound. We can choose to take walks in the sunshine and wave to neighbors or to work outside if we have a yard and a garden. We can choose what tasks need to be done if we are feeling the weight of obligations on our shoulders. We can choose to eat healthy and to keep a normal schedule of sleep. For those of faith, we can choose to pray and be in communion with God and with our church families. Are you seeing a pattern here? We often feel like all our control and choice has been taken away, but in fact, it’s still there. It just looks different and hopefully soon, as the outside restrictions are released, our choices will become greater.
6. Self-Care is Necessary: A client whose anxiety often shows up as anger, asked me how to release that anger. I suggested she pound nails in old pieces of boards. This may sound ridiculous, but the act of pounding on something safe is a very effective way of releasing tension and anger and is a form of self-care. We often need a strong physical release when stress is building and a physical job or exercise does that. We can’t get massages (my favorite way of self-care), but we can take baths or showers and light a couple of scented candles or trade back rubs with our partners or children. We can curl up in a favorite chair with a good book or movie. We can walk our dogs several times a day like my husband does. The point is to make time for ourselves, even if it’s just 15-30 minutes.
7. Finally, Know This Too Shall Pass: While it may not seem that way right now, I have great faith that as a country, a state, and a community, we will survive Coronavirus 2020. It may not be pretty, but we will get through this. As a person of deep faith, I look at how God is using what we are going through for His good and frankly for ours. I will admit that I get frustrated at some of the things that I see happening, especially in the political arena, but I also try to stay positive. (Staying positive is why I have to limit what I watch and read.) Our country has a long history of overcoming great adversity and as a people we are strong together.
These are some of my ideas for my clients and for me. I’d love to hear what you’re doing to get through this time. Share your thoughts and ideas in the comments section.
And as always, if you or a loved one is struggling and needs help, please reach out for help. Therapists are trying to help as many people as possible process through what is going on in our lives. You can also reach out to your clergy to talk, or your medical providers. Sites like NextDoor also connect you with neighbors who are often willing to help. The CDC has a helpline you can call to talk with someone too. https://www.cdc.gov/…/daily-li…/managing-stress-anxiety.html The goal is to reach out.We will get through this!
Jane McGill, LPC, www.janemcgillcounseling.com
Leave a Reply